Ian Says: Topple the Doppelgänger

Do you find yourself constantly finding yourself?

Do your socks routinely disappear with no explanation?

If so, you may have a Doppelgänger. There are certain measures to be taken in a certainly measured manner, and deliberations to be followed through deliberately, in order to rid yourself of yourself:

1. Abandon mirrors with reckless abandon. Without you, you will be lost.

2. Try not to talk to yourself. If yourself talks to you, nod and remain silent until you've stopped talking.

3. Neglect your dress, and frequently wear shoes absent socks. This will confuse and weaken your Doppelgänger.

If these steps are followed with sufficient zeal you will find success. One must apply oneself, especially in matters concerning one's selves.

Good luck to you.

(and to you).

Ian Says: On Handling Shrouds

If one handles a shroud by professional circumstance or in a simply incidental capacity, it should be noted that during such time as when the shroud is in transit, when it has achieved movement, it often happens during those seconds that the shroud, by virtue of its newfound inertia, lets slip a few words edge-wise, often relating fragments of stories of when it was previously in transit and sometimes even imparting quite poetical crumbs of knowing, such as how behind every silver lining is a cloud, or how the hare, as it limps trembling through the frozen grass, dreams of making it big in the big city, all the while being dreamt by Keats who knew how and when to say yes to no - the makings of a Man of Achievement.

(if, then, you ever have occasion to handle a shroud,
listen well and without, as muscles do nerves
walk a soul along the open road)